Reasons why I hate Isaiah

I almost called Isaiah just now to tell him how pissed I am at hom but I thought it might be better to write it out instead:

1. Instead of being able to compramise on anything, if I don't agree with anything he says he tells me I am going to hear from his lawyer - finally leading me to have to hire a lawyer even though it is going to cost so much money.
2. I hate hate hate him today for me having to hire a lawyer. It makes me cry that this money can't go towards my child or be saved up for the future. I absolutly hate his selfishness that he doesn't realize how hard I want to come to agreements so that I don't have to give mine and the baby's money to a lawyer. I hate that I have to worry about how I am going to pay for day care, groceries, bills ect because I have to pay for the lawyer too and I was already stretching it. I hate him.
3. I hate him for telling me he hopes I have a miscarriage while he was beating me.
4. I hate his cockiness. I wish he would just realize that he is not nearly as great as he thinks he is.
5. I hate that he thinks he has a right to be around this child any time he wants after the things he has done and said and knowing that he has anger issues.
6. I hate that he lies about me to make himself look better.
7. I hate that he left me with issues. I hate that I assume the worst in every man, that at times I activly avoid men while I am in public out of fear.
8. I hate that he is still around - I wish he would either start being reasonable or disappear.
9. I hate how good he is at swaying people. I hate that there are people who can't see through his bullshit.
10. I hate him for only going to jail for 10 days instead of the 3 months they were trying to get him for. I hate that he then had to tell me how easy and relaxing jail was - "like a vacation" - while those 10 days were just like any other day for me - full of mixed emotions, pain, fear and frustration.
11. I hate how he can track down my information. I hate that I don't feel safe
12. I hate his hypocrasy that he tells me family is the most important thing to him.
13. I hate that he told me a couple weeks ago that we should be open and honest with each other. Why the hell does he think he has the right to ask me to be open with him? Hell no, I am not going to tell him anything unless I have to. I hate that he was completly unhonest and closed when we were married.

HOLY HELL I HATE HIM SO MUCH I can't believe what a selfish asshole he is. I can't believe that he professes to care so much about his child and that he wants to have a good job so that he can "help me and the baby" I sure as fuck don't need or want his help. I am definatly better off without him, and sorry but he costs me more than he helps. I don't feel like child support is going to cover the cost of a lawyer. So he is actually making me lose money instead of helping me. He wants a good job for him and his ego. I hope he disappears, I would be so excited if he stopped being a part of my life. I know children need their fathers, but Isaiah threatened to kill this child and Isaiah has such anger issues that I have intense fears that if he is ever even for a minute alone for the child that he would hurt it. I am so scared that my baby won't stop crying, or will knock something over...anything that any child does, but that Isaiah will lose his temper and abuse my child. I hate Isaiah. He is a lier and completly selfish. Just because his sperm helped make this baby doesn't mean that he automatically gets to be a daddy to the baby. Yes, I will let him see this baby within reason but I sure as hell don't want him alone with my baby, especially when my child is too young to talk and can't tell me what happened.
Writing this out just makes me more angry. I wish that he would suffer some pain from this or that he would understand even for 10 minutes the pain he has caused. I hate how stupid he is. I hate the toll he has put on this pregnancy. I don't think I could write enough today how much I hate him so I am going to stop...